Sunday, December 16, 2012

Dealing With Murder - Survivor's Guilt

Processing any tragedy which directly or indirectly affects you: Listen to your heart. Feel your way through it. Honor both negative & positive emotions inside you. If negative feelings overwhelm you, get some physical exercise: take a walk, jog, lift weights or find an inanimate object to hit. When your emotions override your senses, use your physical body to release them. Remember your Angels huddle around you, nurturing you with love, understanding, compassion. They want to help you. That's their mission. Ask them, God-The Universe-Spirit Realm to help you. Remember that they're listening and they will help you.

Angels also surround every trauma survivor. I know. On the day my brother & sister were murdered, I saw an Army of Angels surrounding my brother at the hospital before he died. I also saw an Army of Angels surrounding my parents, brother-in-law, sister-in-law and me. I felt Angels hugging me, heard them speaking to me. At the time, another set of Angels including my relatives on the "other side", were assisting my sister cross-over into the Spirit Realm (Heaven). Some things are true whether we see, believe, feel them or not.  

Worst side effect of grief: Survivor's Guilt. "Why did this happen to me? Why did this happen to him/her? What did I do to deserve this? They did not deserve this. Why am I still living? Why did they have to die? Why did God do this?" Friday's tragedy touched us all with Survivor's Guilt. Flooding the surviving family members worst of all.  

There is no easy answer. Evil exists. Sometimes evil pierces through God's (or Spirit Realm's) protective barrier. The victims and survivors did not attract it or welcome it. They are not responsible. God-The Universe-Spirit Realm is not punishing them.  

As a Psychic Channel, double-homicide survivor, former Crime Victim counselor, and co-author of 1991 "Homicide Survivor Handbook" used by funeral homes, law enforcement and other agencies in Houston: Here's a very small glimpse into the psyche of a survivor. This will not fit all survivors - every individual processes differently, reacts differently. Hopefully it will provide you with more information. Helping you process tragedy. Helping you help others through it as well. 

Best method to help anyone grieving: Be there. Just listen. Hold their hand. 

Survivor's Guilt is the largest by-product of grief, no matter how someone loses a loved one. When tragedy happens and is broadcast on the news, Survivor's Guilt touches each one of us. Whether we're aware of it or not. If you're not directly affected by tragedy, appreciate the life you have. Do not feel guilty about being happy or living your life. Feeling guilty weakens you and helps no one. Feeling guilty will not bring loved ones back. It will not reverse a person's grief process. It does not alleviate a survivor's pain. It causes you more pain & confusion. It's useless negative energy. Count your blessings, feel grateful instead. That positive energy will help you & everyone else around you.

Helping others: Listen, don’t talk. Don’t mention your beliefs. Allow the survivor to feel, move through their own belief systems. If they need extra help , they’ll ask for it. If they ask: Why did this happen to me? Be honest. Say “I don’t know. But it had nothing to do with whether you’re a good or bad person. Evil exists. You did not deserve this. This is not your fault.” Repeat as necessary. Stay with them. Hug them, touch them, nurture them. Listen without judgment. Allow them room to process it. Allow them to vent, cry, shout, talk or just be. Sometimes silence is the best medicine. Reach out with your soul, heart - not your mind. Be self-less. 

Most often, but not always, survivors or victims will feel they “deserved” this somehow – in deep crevasses of their psyche, heart, soul. "God hates me. God has never paid attention to me. He's punishing me." Murder creates a hole in your aura, making you vulnerable to both negative and positive forces - real and imagined. Some things survivors say may not make sense to you. Allow them to say it anyway. Helping them release emotions, thoughts will help them heal. Just listen. The worst thing you can say is: "that makes no sense. What are you talking about? Have you lost your senses?" Because in a way, they have. They're very vulnerable. Put your judgments on a shelf.

For Survivors:
When tragedy happens, your aura (protective energetic layer around each of us) cracks - creating a hole.  It is an actual hole that can be seen through certain photographic methods. You will naturally replace or mend it. It's not necessary to force it closed or push too hard to mend it. That hole is called "grief". There is no timeline, deadline, quick fix or shortcut method to mend it. Grief is an individual journey. There are roadblocks and road signs that others can warn you about or help you through. Ultimately it is your unique journey. You define it.

When others force you to behave a certain way, feel a certain way, that hole expands, spreads over a larger part of your body. You’re already on unequal footing – mired in quicksand of uncertainties. Allow yourself to feel, react naturally. Move with the waves as they hit you. It's best to flow with the waves instead of battling against them. Listen to your heart, your instincts. If you're too tired to do something, don't do it. Try not to push yourself too hard. Allow people to help you - with tasks, work, details. This is not the time to be Superman or Superwoman. If you feel you can do something, do it. If you feel you cannot, don't. Everyone around you will understand. Ask for help. Many people want to help you. 

When someone else tells you how to feel, what to do or numbs your pain with drugs or alcohol, it takes longer to heal - in some cases you don’t fully heal. If you trust them or ask them for guidance, that is fine. 

Being mad is not sacrilegious or unhealthy. Feeling sad is not unhealthy either. Feeling a big bowling ball of negativity, despair is inconvenient to some people. Don’t allow others to control your feelings, emotions, psyche. You’re already connected to God-Spirit Realm. No one else knows you like your Guardian Angels, God, etc. You’re always connected, they're always listening to you, even with the hole in your aura/psyche. You have a lot of help from Angels & God when catastrophe happens. That’s all you have to remember. 

Not everyone knows how to help you. Not everyone knows how to react. Not everyone knows how to react to your anger, sadness, shock, feelings of despair, loneliness, defeat, guilt. Your Spirit Guides, Angels, God, Lost Loved Ones on the "other side" - they do. Ask them for help. Pray. It's OK to feel vulnerable. It's natural. It's OK to ask for help. It's OK to feel strong. It's OK if you don't want to forgive the assailant. It's OK if you cannot talk. It's OK if you cannot clean your house, pay your bills, go to work or don't want to get up in the morning. This is your process. However you feel is OK. Honor yourself. That's the only requirement.

(Excerpted from "Tragedy and Beyond" non-fiction (copyright 1996 by Robin Amanda Kelley). Publish date coming soon.)

May you feel the warmth of Your Angels surrounding you.

Namaste -
Robin Amanda Kelley
Sedona Spirit Connection LLC– Psychic (20+ years), Reiki Master III, Sedona Vortex Guide
50 Stutz Bearcat, Suite 2
Sedona, AZ 86336
(928) 451-5107

1 comment:

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