Friday, January 27, 2017
Love & Rewarding Bad Behavior
Love is the engine that drives our souls and hearts on this planet. Our acts of love are their fuel.
Sometimes it's easy to confuse love with obligation. Sometimes it's easy to complicate love with expectations. Feeling obligated or responsible for others; setting unrealistic expectations on ourselves and others: can dilute, damage and divert our desire for love. Obligation and unrealistic expectations come from our brain not our heart nor soul.
Seeking love on this planet, emotionally and spiritually, is part of everyone's Soul Destiny. We are spiritual souls living in physical human bodies on this physical planet. Loving others and being loved by others creates high-vibrations which balances Earth and human societies. We know this intuitively; sometimes we forget this consciously. It's one of our main conflicts: using our intuition (soul) versus our brain (consciousness). Obligation and expectations originate from our brains. Love originates from our heart and soul.
I work with a diverse group of clients: moms, dads, sisters, brothers, wives, husbands, single women, single men. Each client struggles with loving and being loved in various ways. Parents who love their substance-addicted children and want to help them. Parents raising a child with emotional, physical, mental disabilities. Spouses who love their wife/husband afflicted with depression or addiction and want to help them. Siblings loving their brother/sister afflicted with depression, physical disabilities or addiction. Single men and women wanting to find romantic love.
We all want to help those we love. On a soul level, we feel our love for them will help them, ease their pain, calm their suffering, wash away their troubles. On the soul level, we are correct. On the heart level, we are correct. On the physical level, we wonder what are the best loving actions-methods to make them feel better. This is where obligation and expectations come in. Especially when that loved one acts out badly or continually behaves negatively, self-sabotaging his/her life.
What can we do? Our soul and heart say: Just love them. Our minds say: How? Ultimately, the heart and soul win and we reward that loved one's bad behavior. We give them love. We give them resources. We forgive their bad behavior. We wash away their troubles. We overlook their transgressions. But the result is worse: they behave worse. We're rewarding their bad behavior. A perfect example of Pavlov's Dogs. The dogs rewarded for behaviors (good and bad), continued behaving that way. On the heart and soul levels, that loved one begins feeling more loved when they act out. So they continue acting out. Like a 3-yr-old child learning how to communicate. We helped create a bigger mess: more spiritual and emotional imbalances for ourselves and that loved one.
So what's the answer? Respect their Free Will and simply be a role model for them. Create strong boundaries and only reward them for good behavior and healthy habits. Remember your loved one has Free Will and Inner Power like you do, to make their lives better. Show them the way by modeling your happy, balanced life. Highlight the path. Don't grab their hand and pull them. Let them choose the path you highlight (Free Will); the path you're modeling for them. When they choose for themselves, their Inner Power strengthens and resurrects. Part of highlighting the path: build strong boundaries, inform them when they crossed the boundaries, don't reward bad behavior, encourage and reward them when they respect boundaries and practice positive, healthy habits/behaviors.
For single clients seeking romantic love, they feel expressing their love to potential romantic partners builds a loving relationship. On the soul and heart levels, they are correct. But what is the best physical method of expressing that love in a new relationship? As we seek romantic love, we can fall into traps created by our expectations or societal obligations. How we navigate those traps determines our success for finding true romantic love: true agape love.
Working with most single clients seeking romantic love, a theme exists: the client wants romantic love so much that he/she forgives or avoids the romantic potential's bad behavior. When a romantic potential does not pursue them, then they pursue that person, showering that potential partner with love, good deeds, kindness, heart-felt words and forgiveness. While forgiveness and acts of love and kindness are wonderful spiritual and emotional endeavors, the potential romantic partner must be deserving of your loving acts.
If the potential partner shows you love, respect, kindness (even if the word "love" is not fully expressed), that potential is worthy of your affection and attention. If the potential partner shows you disrespect (you feel disrespected), treats you unfairly or unkindly, that potential does not deserve your loving acts.
When seeking true love, rewarding bad behavior will not bring you true love. Set strong boundaries, communicate those boundaries openly, give that potential partner Free Will and the Inner Power to respect your boundaries and show/prove their loving feelings for you - before you judge them. If they disrespect the boundaries you expressed to them, let them know. If they continue disrespecting your boundaries and needs, do not reward them; leave them.
Finding true romantic love happens when you decide two things: "I want true romantic love" PLUS you act on what you want. If you stay in a relationship where you're doing all the work, or rewarding that partner for disrespecting or being unkind to you, it is not true romantic love. If you stay in a romantic relationship where the potential treats you unfairly or unkindly, you're showing God-The Universe-Your Spirit Guides that you're willing to settle for less than what you want. You're also creating an energy field around you that attracts less than what you want. Because that's the energy you're emitting.
When you decide "I want a potential romantic partner who treats me with respect, kindness, affection and loving acts" (or other positive attributes), you create an energy field around you (your aura) that attracts potentials with those traits.
Rewarding bad behavior may seem like an act of love. It is not. When you reward bad behavior, you're telling the Universe-God-Angels "I accept and desire people behaving badly toward me." Whether you're a parent, a spouse, or a single person seeking love - rewarding bad behavior will create more bad behavior. The Pavlov's Dog experiment teaches us this. Rewarding bad behavior also whittles down your soul and heart's positive, energetic field. Continually accepting bad behavior from others will create a hole in your Aura (energetic field). Making it harder for you to love and be loved.
Reward your loved ones and potential romantic partners for their good deeds. Love them silently, through prayer and modeling good behavior, when they behave badly. Love them by setting a good example. Love them by setting personal boundaries. Show, speak, express to them how you want to be treated; how you want to be loved. When they pass those tests, they deserve your love. They deserve your unconditional love; your heart and soul love. Your soul and heart will thank you. And your life will feel more fulfilled.
These are the words of my Angels and high-vibration, high-consciousness beings/souls. Channeled information using my psychic-mediumship gifts to provide you wisdom, clarity and understanding as you Walk Your Sacred Path. Love is our greatest energy source. It is the engine of our hearts and souls. Using it wisely expands our soul and heart consciousness and our individual physical lives on this planet. We want love. We want to feel loved. It is our Soul Destiny. Knowing the pitfalls, boundaries and traps helps us love more; thereby loving ourselves more (self-love) and truly attaining Spiritual Enlightenment.
Sending you Love & Light.
Robin Amanda Kelley
The Sedona Spirit Psychic (since 1989; In Sedona since 2009)